Living life as a LDS single

Being 28 and single in Utah; many people have asked me if I wanted to get married or to have children. I would jokingly say my response to ease the pain of loneliness. One person has said to me "you know your biological clock is ticking." My response is simple, "I can't make someone love me. It just can't happen." It felt like I was being judged just by being single, something that is almost entirely out of my control.

Now to be fair, I realize that it was not a comment of judgement. Do I want to stay single? Heavens no, but their are some things that are just out of my hands. Staying fair, I remember talking to a friend (at the time single) 5 years ago, I had said that marriage intimidated me. Why? The responsibility was great, it still is. So how did I change my tune? My long time friends of mine had married each other and I have never seen them more happy.

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Many in the world are in fact living the single life. Why? The reasons may very, and are personal to each person. You may have been divorced, or you may know someone who is special needs, or quite simply, like me never married.

Within the August 2008 Ensign the cover story was "Single and Steadfast: Lessons in Hope, pg 20." I must confessed that when I read that; it didn't do a lot for me. The feeling that I had after I had read it was within the area of loneliness and isolation. That resulted; chocolate craving frenzy that I didn't give in to ( yeah I'm so proud of myself!). I know that these articles are full of singles who are having or have experience the feeling of loneliness and isolation. But they are moving on.

Their have been reports plastered on the news that the sacred institution of marriage is in trouble. More and more people are staying single or want to have same sex marriage. Now the LDS church DO NOT SUPPORT SAME SEX MARRIAGE. But within approximately a 10 year span something has stared to happen. Men and women are hanging out more and more. What is wrong with this? I must say that I am guilty of this. I thought that it was fun and it is. A bunch of my (at the time) single friends and I would get to gather and hang out. Oh we would do activity's such as recreational, Temple outings, etc. As result, romantic feelings was not their I could only see them as my "brother". My friends however got smart (I didn't), they paired off and found romantic feelings and got married.

I love this, alas it does applies to me. Dallin H. Oaks: 'Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It's marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don't know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter. A "date" must pass the test of three p's (1) planned ahead. (2) paid for, and (3) paired off. Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don't make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don't subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and blot the front door.' Ensign article Dating versus Hanging Out, June 2006

Now don't think that I am feeling sorry myself. Every boy that I hanged out with is just that a friend. But as I got older I have learned that I must make the most of my time. But there is some nagging questions that keep coming up. Am I enough? Am I educated, talented, pretty, intelligent, clean, domesticated,......... Am I enough?

These nagging questions can have a negative effect on us. The feeling of falling short come up. I have learned that I need to stop and think about the Atonement. The most glorious thing about the Atonement is that it is their when we do fall short. That is what it is for.

A few short years ago, I have come to realize that I need to prepare myself for being single. My life is not over. I must move on, the world dose not wait for one person. So what can I do? One thing it is to keep doing what I am doing. What am I doing right now? This is only some of what I am doing. I am taking care of my nephews. I am fulfilling my calling in my ward. I am keeping up with my visiting teaching, but I have yet to winterise the yard. That is on my to-do-list, it is a long list might I add.

What I am trying to get hear is that don't wait around. I am fully aware that more and more of us LDS and non LDS singles are staying single longer. Some I know had made the choice to stay single, others long to be married. But keep working on being a little better!! God has not forgotten me or you. He still has a plan for us. I don't know what that is I wish that I do, so that I could tell you, and that I could put that plan up on my wall so I could look at it everyday.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said this: 'If you are just making time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting........and start moving prepare yourself for life-even a single life-by education, experience, and planning. Don't wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. Follow King Benjamin's advice to call 'on the name of the Lord daily, and [stand] steadfastly on the faith of that which is to come.' (Mosiah 4:11).