We all have dreams. We work for our dreams. We even have changed our dreams along the way of working for the original dreams. Some of us have lost our dreams, watched them die.
My brother have asked the question of why I have been angry and unhappy. The easy answer somewhat crudely explained it is on this blog post called
The Purpose of Trials. The hard explanation I will try and explain. Like I have said in The Purpose of Trials post, family/friends don't understand, I guess my brother is no exception.
Yes, as a little sibling, I do get frustrated with my older siblings, just like any other person. My pain was deeper then what others have seen and what I have let others seen and know. Yes, because of the economic melt down, my family and I have lost our home, like it was crudely explain in The Purpose of Trials post. The deeper pain that I have experienced was hard for me to heal from. And only the past year I have felt better about things, and it has been 7 years since the lost of everything, dreams included.
While growing up I had lots of dreams, just like any other child. Like I wanted to be a painter, a great cook, a singer, an actor, a pianist, violinist, doctor, photographer, hair stylist, and etc. While growing older a lot of these childhood dreams have changed and some have been fulfilled. Like I can cook, but I am not a "great" cook. I can play the piano and even the Organ, but I'm more of an closet pianist. People intimidate me, as for the Organ? I can play it, but timid at it. I just think I need more practice and patience with myself. I am also a violinist.
The dreams that I have wanted to have fulfilled, I have seen die right before my eyes. These are the ones that have caused me the most pain. First, I wanted to finish college. I wanted to go into music and be a physicist. Strange combination, I know. It's what I wanted.
Second, I wanted to play the Harp. I have loved the harp ever since I have seen "The Bishop's Wife" with Cary Grant, when I was a little kid. In a seen in "The Bishop's Wife," Cary Grant plays the harp. I was amazed and I loved the sound of it. The
URL will take you to the clip where Cary Grant plays the harp. Later in my teen years this dream changed from learning a full sized harp to a Celtic harp. For some reason I refuse to let this dream die. I have been holding on to it with everything that I have. As time went on, and reality hit me hard, it has been hard to keep this dream alive.
Third, is the one dream that I am refusing to put on the blog or anywhere in cyberspace. This one gave me the most pain. I do have the assurance that one day everything will be ok. I just don't know how. All I can do right now is to go and do what is expected of me, and what I expect of myself.
I realize that this is yet another crud explanation. And the last dream is very vague, like I have said: I refuse to put it on cyberspace. Oh, I'm know that my brother have changed a lot of his dreams, just like a lot of us. I am also sure that my brother have seen some of his dreams die. Like dreams that he had for his children. His children have autism, the younger is less severe. His oldest, may not know what it is like to get baptized, go to prom, serve a mission, and etc. I know that this has caused him and my SIL a lot of pain. My brother have seen his dream of a college degree realized, and other of his prized personal dreams realized. While I on the other hand, have had a hard time giving mine up entirely, (still have
some hope, how little small, for all 3 of them).
Like I have said, only in the past year I have felt better about things, more optimistic. There is a quote by President Hinckely:
"You can Be excellent in every way. You can Be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things other may say about you. Polish and refined whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for it's opportunities."
A lot of the LDS prophets have said to get an education. One would interpret that as: "Go to college." You can get an education in may different ways and places. Now, I am not saying "don't ever go to college." Go, and have fun, but when you are done with the schooling, that doesn't mean that you need to stop learning altogether. Consider everyday anew learning experience. Find something new to learn and it can be anything and everything. Go out and do the best you can.
Cheers Everyone!