Aspergers Mental Illness and Church

Within the LDS church we teach a lot about things like Eternal Marriage, Families can be Together Forever, Service, Atonement of Jesus Christ and so on. 

Today in Sunday School we talked about Eternal Marriage. What it was and how you should treat your spouse and children. Comments have came up, things like:

• Don't take your frustrations on your spouse to social media. If you do have a problem with your spouse then talk to you're spouse alone not to anyone else, unless you do need to have a therapist to be a "coach" and to help create a safe environment to discuss hard issues. 
• It is ok to set strong boundaries with your spouse or anyone else, so you can have your time, and so that you can be you. Or to in-laws so that you and your spouse can be going in the direction that you want to go as a couple. 
• Love beyond the Grave. that is one of the concepts that we as a Church teach and can allow to have a Marriage that is not just "Death do you Part" your marriage can be forever if you are married in the LDS Temple. It is a beautiful concept and lots of couples or singles for some other reason do not have that chance to be married in the LDS Temple but, will have that chance. 
• Just because you are married in the LDS Temple, that does not guarantee that you will still have that chance to stay together for all eternity. If you don't treat each other right, then you're spouse might not choose you. 

There where more obviously, but they were just the key points that I wanted touch on. You see my brother who has Asperger's, and Mental Illness, was having a hard time through that class. He wants his "wife".  He wants it so badly everything that God has promised to him if he lived the teachings of Jesus Christ. My brother is no different then we are. Who doesn't want a love that will last long beyond the grave? Shakespeare, believed in it enough to write Romeo and Juliet. There have been countless Love Serenades and Ballads throughout the years. People believed in it enough to write them.

Then came the combine class about  Self Reliance. It was good, it was just an introduction on what you might expect from taking a 12 week course that the church provides. I have not taken that course yet, I am sure that I will.... However, as the class progress my brother got agitated and a little anxiety started to show through his bodily physical movements. I just put my hand on his back, patted him a little, told him that he was ok, he calmed down and then I asked if he wanted to go home. He said yes. So I took him home about 15 minutes before church ended. 

You see, one of the tools that his therapist gave us is to be aware of my brothers needs and his anxiety, if we need to leave then ok, we will. We don't mean to be rude, we don't do it because the speaker might be boring, or we think they are stupid or anything in that negative sphere. It is just sometimes we need to take him out of the situation so that he can feel safe and or accepted. 

Not everyone on the Autism Spectrum, will have the same reaction and need to be taken out of the situation. Some are ok, if someone just holds their hand and accept them for who they are. Everyone who are on the Autism Spectrum will respond different and therefore will have a different way to handle whatever is giving them anxiety/agitation/stress, or whatever it might be and it depends on how bad it is. Just pay attention to them and just give any extra help that they might need. 

The key is patience and love. 

Cheers everyone!         

My expirence with the Autistic Spectrum

I get the comment all of the time that people know what the Autism Spectrum is. They tell me that there nephew/cousin/neighbor/church member/ etc is on the Autism Spectrum so they know all about it. Hmmm.....Right. 

No, you don't. Thank you. I have lived with my brother who is on the Autistic Spectrum, (Asperger's in fact) all my life, I am the youngest of my family. So yes, I do have life experience, but I am no expert, but then who is? And....first of all...not every person on the Spectrum are the same. They are as individual as Snowflakes.( Not that new stupid political term, but the it's-so-cold-the-water-coming-down-turns-into-ice crystals, snowflakes.) 

Unbeknownst to my parents and I, we were going to have the ride of our lives. You see, just over a year ago this brother of mine developed psychosis on top of his Asperger's. It was a year of fighting for his rights with the state of Utah, and my Mothers right as a Mother to keep her son safe.

• My mother had to go to the Utah courts to get guardianship over him. She won.  
• Me, I fought with him to take his pills. He thought that we were poisoning him. Nothing could be further from the truth. I even wrestled him for the pills in question, he was going to throw-them-a-way in the garbage. Later I was told that you never do anything like that with someone with mental illness. Oh well....I won. 
• My mother fought with the State of Utah for my brothers Medical Care, and his medical insurance.  She won.
• My mother fought with the doctors to give her son adequate medical care. Long battle, but she won. 
• My mother fought with the creditors to get his Student loans forgiven. She found a company to help her. In turn he can't have a steady job for 3 years. Well we are not worried about that because of his disability and his mental illness, really he can't do anything for very long. His mental stamina along that come with his Asperger's and the mental illness wont let him. She won.

 I assure you, if we need do it all over again....we will. My mother and I have become a force to be reckoned with.

We told a friend of ours what our year have been like. She was shocked, amazed. She told us that  "enduring to the end" we think that it only means our own physical health, but no, it means to endure whatever life throw at us. This takes on a whole new meaning of "Enduring to the End"1 Nephi 13:27

   And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be.

It has been a very hard year. Last spring we thought that we were doing good. Hmmmm. No, we were wrong. We are fortunate to have a therapist for my bother to come into our home and give him and us the tools that we need to take care of my brother. We needed these tools. We need to first make sure that we are ok, then we can take care of my brothers needs. Slowly but surely with the help of the therapist, we are making progress, they are there, no matter how stubble they are, it is still progress.

Now like the analogy of the fitness journey. When someone is on that journey, they eat right, they work out, but sooner or later, they will hit bumps in the road or that fitness plateau. It's normal. Well it is the same with our year. We have hit bumps in the road, and have hit the plateau, the therapist assures us that this is all normal and there will be more.

It has been emotional frustrating, taxing, and exhaustion. There have been times that we all wanted to give up, someway, somehow just give up. We have been blessed by God. He has gave to us the mental stamina, the will power, the knowledge, and more tender mercies. All of this progress it is all because of Him. If we do everything in our power to do what God wants us to do then He will bear us up.And He has. I am so thankful for Him and what He has done.

"The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely upon the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah" ~Elder Bednar~