I wrote on my twitter page: "Had a big epiphany last night. The result; I may not be going back to choir." I think I freaked out my Choir Director. Understand that I did not say this to get attention, the epiphany really did happen.
It started when I was invited to audition for a musical or two. I was little confused, the person who invited me knows that I am not an "Show Tune Singer. " In fact I am a "Classical singer." Classical because if I say Opera, people will tune out and cringe. I am so much a Classical singer, I took a show tune and turned it into an almost Opera song. It was unintentional. I tried so hard to keep this show tune as is and not turn it into a classical type category. So what I sang during the auditions was only a fraction of what I can sing when I really try to sing Opera at full voice. It was weird, people that was standing on the other side of this big room, could hear me and was looking at me like I came from another planet. Go Venous!
So my mom asked me how it went I told her from my point of view. Then I asked her: 'How do you sing "Show Tune."' She told me how I tried it and honestly, and please know that I am not exaggerating when I say this. I sounded like something was dying in my vocal cords. I wanted to claw out my own vocal cords and it was so harsh on my own ears.
During choir my choir director would always tell me to "lighten up." Mostly because the natural tone of the choir is light and airy, they are not classical singers. As having a classical voice, I have a deeper tone with a natural dramatic vibrato. It is so hard for me to "lighten up" and sing the way the choir director wants me to. I have tired, heavens knows I have tried. While trying I have notice a problem and a change, a change that I didn't like. I started to back off like crazy and singing without spirit, without heart.
I was thinking all of this over last night in the late night hours. I have realized that wasn't singing to my full potential, I was cutting myself short. I was having so much fun preparing for this audition, I was singing Opera songs, then I stopped myself short because I knew that I needed to sing an show tune and try and sing it as a show tune. As I said before, I failed to do that.
By not singing up to my full potential, cutting myself off short, I am not happy by doing this. I am happy when I do sing in my full classical voice. So that is why I may stop going to choir. If I sing to my full potential I stand out and cant blend in with the other choir members. If I stay and back off like I have been, I'll become more and more unhappy.
This decision didn't come easy and I am still on: should I or shouldn't I? I do like to sing. This has nothing to do with the auditions, or the choir director. I just want to be happy, and sing the way that I was meant and taught to do.
Cheers Everyone~
